Celebrating the Lunar New Year (kind of)

Let's just start by saying that we do our best. :)

The Lunar New Year has always been a big deal in my home growing up. To this day, leading up to Chinese New Year, my parents spend days preparing for this occasion. A whole day is dedicated to cooking a banquet for a holiday we observe over 3 days. Let's also not forget the cleaning of the house top-to-bottom. Dinner consisted of my parents doling out items of food while explaining the significance and meaning of each food -- it all has to do with good fortune and long life. Man, I wish I had paid more attention to these traditions.

Over the past couple of years, Ted and I have created our own version of this holiday. Our knowledge is pretty limited and dependent mostly on emails and Skype calls with my mom, and my own interpretation of childhood memories of the holiday (Ted not being Chinese and all). We clean the apartment and we try to make a mini- banquet that consists of: a steamed fish (to represent luck and never running out), noodles of some sort (long life), some sliced carrots (to represent coins), and maybe some dumplings. This year, I decided to limit my kitchen time to making Chinese New Year almond cookies and to go out to eat at Myers + Chang, instead. We also invited some very good friends we've made here. While not Chinese and having never celebrated Chinese New Year, they're good sports who are genuinely curious and delighted about sharing in various customs and recognized the importance of this holiday for me. As I get older, I value these traditions even more and am pretty pleased that while our customs (as in the ones Ted and I have mashed together) are not quite to-the-letter, we've created our own that I feel honour an important piece of my life -- a part of my Asian identity -- and have the privilege of sharing these with close friends.

So, yay!

Homemade almond cookies and strawberry luck candies! Yum!

"The Only Constant is Change"

Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.

-- George Bernard Shaw 

After much soul searching, Ted decided to leave the bench and the world of academia behind. It wasn't making him happy and was, in fact, affecting his health and by extension, our quality of life. So, with great hope and excitement, Ted embarked on the fun road of job hunting in what he referred to as "the real world". And lo! He is now the Scientific Editor for a Ebiomedicine,  a new journal that reviews and publishes scientific journals that relate to the field of translational medicine. 

Last summer, I had just started a development internship at Community Research Initiative (CRI) as well as a position working most weekdays as a per diem clinical social worker in inpatient psychiatry units at a hospital in town. After my internship wrapped up in the beginning of December, I began working every weekend as a clinical social worker on various medicine floors at Boston Medical Center (in addition to my continued work in psychiatry during the week). Around the same time Ted was doing his soul-searching and answering the question of "what next" for himself, Ted and I had good discussions about how we were well-positioned to be able to carefully look for and choose jobs in fields we really wanted to be in, especially given that we are at a stage in life where a big part of our time and identity is wrapped up in what we do for work. I was doing all these various things to learn more about these different areas as I'm a big believer of testing things out, if I'm able to; Ted had just experienced the negative affects of a bad fit. Thus, we encouraged each other to really think about what we wanted to do, take action, and see where the cards fell. With this sense of renewed purpose, I also applied for another new job and am now the first-ever palliative care social worker at Boston Medical Center. Palliative care is a field I've long been interested in, and is in part what influenced my decision to return to school to become a social worker all those years ago (over a decade ago, now!). As someone who loves finding connections, you can be assured that this greatly pleases my sense of coming full circle, so to speak. And yes, here we go with yet another new beginning for the both of us at the same time (we've become quite accustomed to having change in our lives).

But wait. What did this change in employment mean for our visa status? It meant that it was time to change our visa status from our current J-status to a TN visa status. As Canadians and with jobs that fall under the NAFTA professionals list, we were eligible to apply for this non-immigrant status visa. We each applied for this in different ways: Ted's employer completed a petition for this change in visa status, which was processed without Ted having to meet with anyone in person; for my part, after gathering the necessary documents (in short: your degree [the original], passport, application fee, and one of the key pieces -- a formal letter from your prospective employer, preferably written by their legal team), we took a drive to the Canadian border to process my visa request in person!! As the visa is meant to be processed upon entry into the country, I had to drive across the border into Canada (Quebec) and immediately turn around to cross the border into the US again. Made for some interesting questioning at the border:

Border guard: When were you last in the United States?

Me: Um... 5 minutes ago. I just crossed the border over there. **points across the way** 

So, in the end, Ted and I both now have our own TN visa statuses that are independent of each other. Overall, Ted's visa took a bit longer to process once all the documentation was submitted; mine was much quicker (ie. essentially immediate) once I had everything I needed and presented myself at the border at my appointed time. Thank you, NAFTA agreement! 

Time-saving tip: Call the designated point of entry you have decided to cross that processes TN visas to make an appointment ahead of time and clarify the documents you need!!! We learned this the hard way and ended up driving up to Highgate Springs, Vermont twice. It is, after all U.S. Customs and Border Protection (CBP) that will be processing this visa request.

Welcome (back) to America! The border at Highgate Springs, VT from the Canadian side.

Acculturation

I'm going through an acculturation process. Nothing really ground-breaking or unique there, but I figured I'd put it out there, anyway. The supposed four stages of it are: the honeymoon phase (optimism and idealism abound!); the hostility phase (frustration, confusion and discontent abound); the humour phase (reflection of experiences, beginning to relax, and the ability to laugh about the situation and feelings of confusion re-emerge); the home phase (renewed feelings of optimism). I currently yo-yo between variations of stages 2 and 3. Of course, the immigration/visa/employment seeking stuff (which go hand-in-hand-in-hand for me) is the biggest contributor to the feelings of "stage 2" frustration that can wallop me on the head and put me in a sour mood (which Ted can probably attest to. Poor guy.). Probably also has to do with the whole shifting sense of identity thing. 

How I'm experiencing acculturation. Yup. Those are my true, sometimes irrational (re: stage 2), thoughts.

A bit of a digression:

The short of it is, to work here, I need a certain type of visa; not a green card or anything quite as ornerous as that, thank goodness. I even have a couple of options: 1) as a Canadian with a certain level of education in my field, I'm eligible for a TN visa; 2) as someone who entered the country affiliated with my husband who already has a visa that allows him to work (in my case, a J-2 visa), I can apply for authorization to work, go through that process and ultimately get approval (and a document that says so!) to work under the J-2. Just last week, I had my biometrics taken: I was fingerprinted and my picture was taken as part of this process for the J-2 visa. It took all of 5 minutes, but this appointment came after weeks of waiting. And at the end of that appointment, ZERO information was given to me until I turned back and asked what was next. At which point I was told to wait for something in the mail that will either be a document that says I'm fine to work (or further steps I may need to take.). My visa process is actually easy and yet there are still hoops to jump through, the paperwork to wade through and fill out, and a lack of communication -- I can't even imagine what the process must be like for people applying to immigrate or applying for asylum or any number of more difficult applications.

                         
I expected this acculturation experience somewhat and therefore we do what we can to make the ongoing transition smoother: we continue to explore the city, we have a routine going, and like a diligent person who is living in any new country or city, I try to keep up with current events (and then relay the headlines to Ted like some sort of personal news ticker). I start my mornings by watching the local and national news while having coffee...which inevitably leads to me getting all worked up over topics like the Affordable Care Act, the Tea Partiers (and finding out that Ted Cruz was born in Canada), the ongoing gun control debate...

I'm not a complete stranger to the stages of acculturation. I went through a version of this when I did my internship in Masaka Town, Uganda, complete with a meltdown that consisted of tears and feelings of anxiety about what I had gotten myself into and anxiety over seemingly simple things such as walking around town by myself during the first few weeks that I was there. This eventually mellowed into feelings of being comfortable, feeling connected to my host family, becoming more optimistic, happy, and loving what I was doing. But that process made sense. For me, Uganda really was an unknown country and Masaka Town was very different from Vancouver, BC. I guess I sometimes give myself a hard time about going through this process because despite being able to rationalize it and despite expecting it, I'm still somewhat surprised by how marked my feelings can be -- and this is due to my preconceived notions. I mean, unlike Uganda, the U.S. isn't exactly completely unknown to me - it's part of the same continent, there are some historic cultural ties due to a shared colonial history, both countries have English as their dominant language, etc., etc. The U.S., to my mind, has always been our neighbour to the south with the permeable (to Canadians) border, the accessible cross-border shopping, the hockey teams we love to hate, and the attitudes we sometimes like to mock (see previous paragraph). Obviously, there is more to this major American city and my thoughts and feelings about living here are constantly evolving.

Well, I tell myself that surprised or not, it's happening. I like to think that I've been pretty positive overall (notwithstanding the incidents where I've taken my frustrations out on Ted. Ha!). Nothing to do but hang on for the ride while drawing from my upbringing of good ol' fashioned Chinese stoicism and at the same time, taking the time to laugh at myself. Or, in my particular case (and as my sister put it), I just need to remember to:

Identity

I'm going to start with this: I am a very fortunate and privileged person. I won't even begin to list the ways which exemplifies the truth of this statement; the list would be crazily, ridiculously long. However, borne of this fortune and privilege is the ability to consciously formulate an identity and think about what that means to me and its impacts on how I see myself and subsequently how I project myself to the world.

Ted and I have now been in Boston for a solid 2 weeks. In that time, we've found an apartment in Cambridge, opened a bank account, applied for credit cards, attempted to apply for social security numbers (we can't right now because the American government has been shutdown for a week and the two parties are at a stalemate), and started to shop for furniture and supplies and all those good household items. So far it's been a lot of fun and a good exercise in budgeting as well as 'dreaming big and whittling down'. :) There were a few moments when Ted and I felt pretty certain we heard our parents' voices coming out of our own mouths. The horror. :)

But, I digress. During the entering of the U.S. and the renting of the apartment and the signing of the lease and the opening of the bank account and the application for the credit card, I was reminded over and over of our situation. Ted was being "sponsored" into the U.S. through his work, and by extension, so was I. Thus, I am currently an extension of Ted. Even my entry visa puts me as "Spouse". Ted is the primary signatory on most things as he has the entry visa that confirms he is employed and will therefore have an income. Before we came to Massachusets, I willingly decided to change my last name and changed my passport accordingly. I was now Alexandra D., no longer Alexandra T. It was sort of strange at the time but not a big deal. Had we remained in Vancouver, I think I would have still had a solid sense of who this Alexandra D. person was: a young, hard-working CP social worker with many interests (chief among them: food and wine), financially independent, a home-owner, and newly a wife. I had a healthy and active social life that allowed me in-person, face-to-face access to a solid network of family and friends who are similar and therefore confirmed my sense of who I was. I might have had an easier time figuring out who Alexandra D. is since many other aspects of my life would have remained recognizable. Now, having moved to a city on the opposite coast with a different surname and where I'm noted as technically being a dependent and where we know only a handful of people, my sense of who Alexandra D. is has started to become something more difficult to grasp, which was inevitable, I suppose. The neat thing is that this is a great opportunity to try something quite different from what I was doing before. The truth is, it's sometimes an unnerving feeling and process and I think it's ok to acknowledge that. I'm young and at a new stage in my life. These shifts in my identity were going to happen regardless, but with so many changes happening all at once, I sometimes get overwhelmed.

This post isn't a complaint and I hope it won't be read as such. I make my choices willingly, happily and with great excitement of the possibilities ahead and am also secure in the knowledge that I am in a position to be able to make these choices. But I share the process I'm going through because I also think it can be a normal part of all this.

How many Canadian references can you spot?

So for now, as I take the time to explore my neighbourhood,
I know that part of what makes up who I am is "Canadian".

Best. Snuggie. Ever!

And maybe on some evenings, Batman --because who wouldn't want a chance to be the greatest superhero ever?